It's Okay Not to Be Okay - Sheila Walsh

It's #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek and I'm going back to a book which I can hardly believe has now been out for a year. So it's not a brand shiny new title, but it's one of those books which I hope will live solidly on for years to come, because it is one which I truly believe can help people who are struggling.  I have friends who struggle with their mental health in various ways.  I have myself.

More than ten years ago (wow) I had a breakdown.  I'd been secretly struggling for a while but one day I was sitting in a meeting with my boss at work going through all the projects and tasks I needed to complete. And my entire self was filled with a suffocating sense of 'I can't do this any more' while I used every iota of my energy not to fall apart right there.  I remember struggling to speak while also trying not to cry. The meeting stalled. My boss sent me to see a doctor. At first it was a huge relief.  I went home feeling lighter, sure I just needed 'a bit of a rest' and that I'd bounce back quickly.  But I didn't bounce back quickly and when, at my next medical appointment, my doctor said 'I'm not seeing improvement' and said I was still unfit to work I remember walking home in the sunshine thinking 'What am I going to do if I don't get better?'
  Over time I did get better, and went back to work, part time to start with.  Supportive people in my professional and personal lives for whom I am still deeply thankful helped me, and managed to avoid everybody knowing that I'd crashed and burned. And some time later I was able to help another friend - a high flyer in their industry - when they had a similar mental health crisis, because I had been there and recognised the signs.

And that is why It's Okay Not to Be Okay is such a powerful read.  It's because author Sheila Walsh has also been there, and walked that uneven path. She writes from personal experience, but she doesn't expect her experience to match everyone else's.

I'd like to quote a small piece from early in the book, where Sheila talks about reaching the point of having what she calls a 'gut-level, honest, pour-your-heart-out conversation with God':

'I held it together until I couldn't anymore. I remember a night in my bedroom where I literally soaked the floor with my tears. I was bone-tired from pretending to have it all together, from trying to be okay. So, I let God have it. I told Him I was afraid and angry and tired and sad and lonely and confused and everything else I could think of. I didn't edit myself. I just let it all out.
  I believe my final words were, "I can't do this anymore."
  Rather than feeling rejected by my broken outburst, I felt as if God bent down and said, "I know. I've been waiting."'

Sheila's experiences have helped her reach out to others. A powerful snippet from the book gives an example:

'A woman pulled out her cell phone to show me a picture of her son. I'll protect a few of the details to honour her privacy, but even as I looked into her eyes to comment on how handsome he was, I saw an ocean of sorrow. She had faced the unthinkable in any mother's life: having to bury her son.
   The thought of that took my breath away. I had no words. All I could do was hold her and weep with her. She had come alone to the conference, which was titled "In the Middle of the Mess, Finding Strength for This Beautiful, Broken Life." I imagine that the only word that made sense to her was broken. Life was not beautiful. She didn't even want strength. She was broken. This was never the life she imagined. I was afraid to speak a word to her. What could I possibly say that would touch the depth of her pain? In what felt like a holy moment, she hugged me and through bitter tears said, "Thank you."  I have no idea what God gave her that day ... The Holy Spirit had taken truth and poured salve onto a broken heart. It's a mystery to me.'

We may not all be broken to the extent that this grieving mother was, but we all carry scars on the inside. If you're struggling, I urge you to let someone you trust know. Be honest. Don't give them the sanitised version of your pain.

I'm convinced this book has already helped many people, and will help many more.  Whether you're flying high or passing through the valleys, I recommend this as a personal, thoughtful, and helpful read.

A Glitter of Gold - Liz Johnson

Anne Norris has moved to Savannah, Georgia in an effort to escape her past. The past where trusting in a man led to disaster with serious long-term results.  Carter Hale is struggling to keep the local museum in business, and to find the wreck of a ship talked about in the pages of the 18^thcentury diary he owns. 

When Anne turns up at the museum and shows Carter the gold sword hilt she found on the beach after a hurricane, they must join forces to try to find the ship – and perhaps in the process find love.

I really enjoyed this book, with the interwoven stories and the common thread of searching. Rebecca’s search for her brother in the 16^thcentury, told in the diary Carter was given as a boy, Anne’s search for freedom and peace as well as for the shipwrecked Catherine, and Carter’s search for his own self-worth and place within his family and the conclusion to his life long search for the Catherine.

The story is told wonderfully, with truly engaging characters and interesting back-and-further-back stories.  I felt for Anne, and liked Carter.  And there was someone I was suspicious of, with good reason, it turned out! When the inevitable ‘breaking’ of Anne’s secret happens, I was surprised that Carter wasn’t more angry or upset at the news, although perhaps he was flattened by the strength of Anne’s rage!  And I also wonder how her story can be kept out of the press ongoing – especially considering how much her landlady clearly dislikes her.  My favourite bit of the book though was the story of Rebecca. It was completely engrossing, and the storm was written especially well. I could almost feel the spray and hear the creaking and groaning of the ship crashing through the waves!

Overall, a very enjoyable read with well rounded characters, interesting and complex back stories, a well described setting and the air of mystery around the search for the Catherine.  I found it hard to stop reading late at night, which is always a great indicator of a top novel!

4.5 stars

You can read a fun Q&A with Liz (and find out why I picked the quote used in the graphic) here:  https://readingismysuperpower.org/2019/08/06/author-interview-and-a-giveaway-liz-johnson-a-glitter-of-gold/

For transparency, I work with Revell books in the UK, but I am not required to write any specific review. All views herein are my own.

The Words Between Us - Erin Bartels

Catalogue copy: Robin Windsor has spent most of her life under an assumed name, running from her family’s ignominious past. She thought she’d finally found sanctuary in her rather unremarkable used bookstore. But the store is struggling and the past is hot on her heels.

  When she receives an eerily familiar book in the mail on the morning of her father’s scheduled execution, Robin is thrown back to the long-lost summer she met Peter Flynt, the perfect boy who ruined everything. But why would Peter be making contact after all these years? And why does she have a sinking feeling that she’s about to be exposed all over again?

This is the second novel from Erin Bartels, who is rapidly becoming a ‘must read’ author for me. Like her first, We Hope for Better Things, this is set across two time periods, but in this story the time periods are within Robin’s lifetime, and we see the impact of the events of her childhood and youth on her adult self in the ‘now’ sections.  

What I love about Erin’s storytelling is that it is so immersive.  From the fantastic first lines: ‘Most people die only once. But my father is not most people.’ and through the 300+ pages which follow, the story rushes at a breathtaking pace sweeping the reader along with it.  

We begin the story at the point where Robin’s Dad is due to be executed.  On this difficult day, she receives a book in the post. Which may not seem odd for a used bookshop owner, but THIS book is not just a rare first edition copy of Catcher in the Rye, but the actual copy given to her by her childhood friend Peter Flynt, twenty years before.  Someone she’s not been in touch with for a very long time.

It’s hard to write much about the story without introducing spoilers, because this is a book where a lot happens, and there are plenty of twists and turns.  There are a few red herrings in the plot and a few threads which aren’t neatly sewn up by the end, and the last sentence of the second to last chapter felt more like the end of the book than the actual end of the book!  

The characters are well described and three-dimensional and one of my favourites is The Professor! I shall say no more about him here, except that the reader is in for a treat.  The power of words is the theme of the book, and this comes through in the books mentioned throughout, and in prose, poetry, thoughts – and silence.  

Although this is categorised as women’s fiction, there is a very strong mystery thread – or rather multiple threads.  I like this in the books I read, so I hope it’s a trend which will continue into Erin’s next book.  Which I hope will be coming soon.

Definitely a ‘recommended read’, but I recommend you read it when you have time to sit down and tune everything else out!

This review is based on a pre-publication manuscript, so some elements may have changed on publication. In the interest of transparency I work with the Revell fiction list, in the UK. However I am not obliged to review any particular book, nor to write positively about it. The comments in my review are entirely my own.

The Number of Love - Roseanna M White

Catalogue copy: Three years into the Great War, England’s greatest asset is their intelligence network – field agents risking their lives to gather information, and codebreakers able to crack every German telegram. Margot De Wilde thrives in the environment of the secretive Room 40, where she spends her days deciphering intercepted messages. But when her world is turned upside down by an unexpected loss, for the first time in her life numbers aren’t enough.

I really enjoyed Roseanna White’s previous series Shadows Over England, so I was glad that her new series The Codebreakers begins by picking up the story of one of the minor characters from the earlier series.  There’s absolutely no doubt that the author knows how to tell a good story.  There’s lots of energy, intrigue and layers of both story and tension.  

She also does well with English rather than American on the whole, though ‘sidewalk’, ‘gotten’ and ‘fedora’ appear, and a few oddly un-English phrases including ‘every pence’ rather than ‘every penny’ and some weird use of the word ‘bloke’! But I am used to sliding my reading mind around those things in books from American authors, and in this case the story is definitely gripping enough to want to keep on reading.

What I found hardest in this book was the casual approach to secrecy at the English end of the story (ie. Rather than of those in the field).  Which is a shame given the amount of research the author has clearly done. Room 40 was a secret operation with much effort made to ensure that even Britain’s allies didn’t know the degree to which we were breaking German code.  The author refers to the secrecy surrounding Room 40 in her very interesting notes at the end of the book, yet in the story open phone calls are made about confidential information (the telephone being a highly insecure channel), and people talk freely to others not in their immediate team about the work they are doing, and discuss their work when in places they could easily be overheard. 

On the positive side, the story is nice and involved, and Margot is a wonderful character who often thinks and reacts in numbers rather than words.  Her friend Dot at first appears to be frail and weak, but her character grows and strengthens through the book.   Drake, the field agent whose eye is caught by Margot, is a likeable leading man.  The use of numbers as key markers and almost as punctuation in places works really well. The 18 on the cover is a recurring, and key, thread.  There’s lots to like about this book, especially if you like thrillers, espionage novels, or lesser known military elements novels. There’s a good solid dose of ‘whodunnit’ too.

Although as a novel aiming to accurately represent British intelligence operations during WWI I do find it wanting in some areas, I’m still greatly looking forward to reading the next in the series.  

4 stars